My dog died

My dog, Shizuko, or "Shizu," died today. He's a 10yr old Shitzu-Poodle mix who looked like a Border Collie. He's a senior dog now and probably had some issues with his eyesight and his hearing.

I actually think his days are not that long anymore. He'd gotten really thin and no longer active. He just lays around in our car park area and sleeps. But even though I expected he's not gonna last long, I still hoped he'd die of old age.

He didn't. He got hit by a truck that's reversing (passing by) outside our house. For some reasons, he brought his huge bone outside to munch on it. He probably didn't see, or didn't hear the truck as he didn't move at all and eventually got hit. The driver said he was moving really slowly and didn't really see the dog. As soon as he heard the dog scream, or he realized he hit something, he immediately drove forward. But he hit Shizu's upper tummy area (it's where I see the blood). I didn't blame him. I shouldn't. But I'm still so hurt.

I saw Shizu shivering and gasping for air. His jaw and necked hardened and I knew that was gonna be the end of him. I cried in front of him, and he was just looking at me. I remember a post I've read before that dogs don't like to die without seeing their owners. So I just sat there, making sure he can see me, he can hear me. It took a long time for me to say "ba-bye," because it was so hard to see him that way.

When I said my good byes, he started twitching. Honestly, I thought he was gonna live. He was able to move a little, before he finally died in that position. I saw blood coming out. I think he bit his tongue. He just died.

We buried him in the lot next to our house (we bought the adjacent lot). But I couldn't believe he's gonna die like that.

The past few days, I was/am not emotionally okay. This morning, I was feeling apathetic. I woke up early at 5:30am, and for some reasons, I kept looking for Shizu. I was inside the house and looking at the window where I can see Shizu wanting to go out to do his business. As I mentioned, I was kinda expecting that his days are numbered and even had a thought at that time that what if that's gonna be my last memory of Shizu. It really is my last memory of him, aside from the moment he was dying.

He was my first baby. I bought him and chose him because the "seller" said nobody likes him. Most buyers like the female, more fluffy pup, but he had short hair and not fluffy-looking at all.

This was Shizu the first time I brought him home.

He was really handsome during his prime years:

I miss you. I'm still gonna cry for you a little bit. When I go out, I'd probably remember where you died, it's gonna hurt for a while. But things will get better. See you in my dreams.

Good bye, Shizu!

Run free!