I was suppose to write this on the last day of 2023, or on the first day of 2024 but I got preoccupied with other activities like meeting friends, work and just staying at home and spending time with my family.
2023 was a year of learning for me. I did many things and found that they were not for me. Other realizations about gift-giving, loving my work more, and appreciating my friends more.
Last year, I actually went out a lot with my husband (to the mall), I bought a lot of stuff impulsively, and thought those kind of things bring me happiness. Of course, I like to spend time with my husband alone, but when I don't plan things properly and is just being impulsive (going out any time), it didn't make me happy as much as I thought it would be. I feel happy for a little bit and after that, I keep thinking about my work - because I have to compensate for the time I went out. That wasn't really a good feeling at all because I'm anxious every time that someone might look for me or ask me something that I can only answer if I have my laptop. At that time, I thought I was happy going out, but now, I realize I wasn't happy at all.
I was experiencing short dopamine spikes when I go out and buy something and then regret going out afterwards. Honestly, it's not okay in the long run. I was more anxious than happy. Also, I realize I can always buy anything I want, so right now, buying anything new isn't "exciting" anymore.
Work Integrity
This year, I want to be a better person / employee - I won't be going out during work hours but with the exception that if we have to go to the gym, it has to be early in the morning at 7:30-10:00am. Once I got back home and showered, I will be able to work straight (no lunch break) and I'm able to focus on my work since I am mostly satisfied already after having my workout done first thing in the morning. And because I'm able to focus and work straight, I'm able to finish my tasks quickly. Before I start working, I will also write on my journal which helps me calm my turbulent mind, and then, write my To-Do list for the day. Writing a To-Do list actually helps me a lot so I can focus on what I need to do on that day. I noticed that if I don't write a To-Do list, I am not focused and very distracted at work doing random things at a time - which leads me to nowhere. This year, I will put more effort in my work, will put more love to my work, and be more intentional, and be a better Software Engineer than I was last year.
I've read this in a book "The Billionaire and the Monk" which defines what I'm trying to do above.
Happiness begins with defining your goals and pacing your life accordingly. Know where you're going before you start walking. Remove confusion and replace it with well-defined goals.
Gifts
On Christmas this year 2024, I've decided to tone down on gift giving. I really spend a lot of thought, money and time away from my kids which is the hardest thing to do. I have to plan the day / time I want to shop for gifts so that my husband can also plan on what to do on that day -- will he need to stay at home, or can he come with me, etc. If I go out alone, we really have to plan it properly - do we have both helpers on that day, or is only one coming in, and a lot of other things we have to take into consideration. Going out to buy gifts is a luxury but something that we have to plan fully. Christmas is really hectic and there's a lot of variables, too. After I've shopped, I like wrapping those gifts, too, so I have to spend time alone to wrap those gifts which means my husband will be left alone tending to the kids (which is really hard with two boys). It's crazy!
After that, we have to find day and time to send those gifts out to my godchildren. Last year (2023), I realized it's so tiring. I have to coordinate to my friends if someone's home, or if I can leave the gifts to somebody. I love Christmas but it's tiring (or I'm just getting old). Unfortunately, I felt like it's not reciprocated at all. I realized I made a mistake on my Tiktok video saying I'm not expecting anything in return. But turns out, I do expect something in return. I don't expect something expensive, but I'd like my kids to receive gifts, too, anything as long as it's wrapped or in a bag. I'd be very happy when my kids receive gifts, because those people remember and spent time and money to buy those gifts for my kids. Last year, and even the previous years before that, I've religiously given gifts to my godchildren, because I want them to feel happy about Christmas, I want them to feel the spirit and the joy of the season. But it still saddens me when my kids don't get something. So yeah, this year, I might lay low on giving gifts because it needs a lot of time and effort.
Creating Memories for our kids
I got so fed up in going to the mall that I refused to go out after the 15th of December last year. We only go to the mall on Sundays to do a quick grocery (1-1.5hrs), I don't want to go out to eat, too. I felt like I've done so much last year, especially spending money, that now, it doesn't make me happy anymore and going out is such a hassle.
But my husband reminded me few days earlier that it's not for "us," but for the kids. We can lessen the time we go out, but we have to go out to let the kids enjoy. He also meant it for vacations, because he asked me where we're going for the Holy Week and honestly, I don't feel like going anywhere, so I told him we can just stay at home, then he reminded me that it's not for "us" but for the kids. So every time we go out (on the weekends), I'll think that it's for the kids.
College Friends to the rescue 🦸🏼♀️🦸🏼♂️
However, my college friends had given gifts to my kids which really made my day. I was teary-eyed on our way home after our annual Christmas/New Year gathering because of the gifts. They remembered my kids, and as a mom, I'm very happy for the gifts. Guys, you know who you are, and I'm very grateful for the free food, free ride, and the gifts and chika. I look forward to the day we all meet again to catch up.
If it isn't very obvious yet, my love language is giving gifts. I show my love to precious people by giving gifts or treating them to something (example, buying a meal). You have to be very special to me to receive gifts or be treated to something. But, my college friends are all well-off and I guess everyone just wants to treat everyone, who am I to say "No"? 😆 It kinda feels refreshing when someone treats me to something. 😁 I would've offered to treat them to dinner last time, but they said they were all full and I also have to go home early because I'm a mom and my husband was left in the house alone with two kids. Ah~ I miss my friends, it was great to catch up and talk with them after a long while.
This year is all about improving myself:
Health - I posted about it before but last year, we did a bunch of tests/repeat tests for our cholesterol and blood sugar (because of family history), our cholesterol has been up the past few years and we just found out last year, so we're on medication and some lifestyle changes.
Fitness - In relation to the lifestyle changes, we started working out to have a better and fit body, I also realized that exercising help me reduce my anxiety or anything that's bothering my mental health.
Better Parent - Be more loving and patient towards my kids. Hear them out. Hug them always and apologize when I did something wrong. Teach Brandon / Sven (soon) lovingly and patiently.
Better Employee - Loving my work more, being more intentional, work integrity and focus on improving our app and myself as an SS.Engineer.
Stop impulsive spending - Let's bring back the joy of having something new.
Invest religiously.
Drive. Just drive.
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